Symptoms

Death and grief: handling, processing and help with losses


Living with death - grief as work

Death is part of life. But it is just as difficult for us humans to accept our own death as to deal with the death of relatives, partners and friends. One reason for this is that, as social beings, we are fundamentally dependent on relationships, and with the death of an important member of this network of relationships, our regulatory system gets out of joint. We can neither suppress nor shorten grief, but consciously experience it. However, there are some ways to deal with the loss of a loved one that will help us shape life afterwards.

Death - a taboo?

In the Middle Ages and early modern times, dying and death were publicly present and ritually integrated into everyday life. High child mortality and low life expectancy ensured that people had to accept the loss of relatives and friends at a young age. After the Second World War, the great death, death shifted to anonymity. Advances in medicine caused age to rise in all industrialized countries; Treating previously deadly diseases better and better.

The view of the doctors shifted: dying was increasingly considered the guilt of the doctors. Not only dying, but also the weakness of aging people increasingly moved into a taboo zone. Seniors should not only live longer, but also stay active until death. Medical devices prolonged the dying process - people who would have been dead a few generations ago can be kept alive with today's technology, sometimes for years.

Age, weakness and dying moved out of the center of the community. In the past, people died in the village and in the extended family. Not only funeral, but also dying was part of social life.

In the 20th century, dying came out of the community. Old people came to old people's homes and died there or in the hospital. The generations tended to pull apart much more than in traditional societies; Adults often had no contact with their parents for years.

But not only the dying, the survivors were increasingly alone. Because death was forced out of perception, outsiders often did not know how to deal with sadness. People in the social environment often avoided the conversation or even withdrew from those affected.

A rethink is now beginning. A broad discussion about euthanasia focused on the practice of extending life with devices, although a real life is long gone. People are increasingly concerned about how they want to die and are preparing not to end their lives anonymously in a clinic.

Because the siege and dying disappeared from everyday life, the bereaved lost the development of saying goodbye. Saying goodbye hurts, but it's a deep experience and part of the grieving process. Those who have accompanied someone as they die usually have this experience anchored in their memory as a maturation process. When the dying are still mentally minded, they often leave important messages to their companions.

Children and death

Many parents no longer know how to talk to their children about death. Some veterinarians even get rabbits of the same color as the deceased to hide the fact that their pet is no longer alive.

Not talking to children about dying is a mistake. Children are curious about everything that happens around them and sooner or later they come across death. Be it that they see a dead animal, or that they hear that someone has died. If the parents push around now, avoid the questions or give “half answers”, this triggers fear in the child. Children have a fine sense of whether the parents are hiding something from them and feel that the secret must be something terrible.

At the latest when the first person who is close to the child dies, the child wants to know what is happening. It is much better to talk to the child about death beforehand. Many adults advocate child protection. Statements like "it is still too small to understand" or "he will come back" really only protect parents who do not know how to explain the topic.

However, this does not mean that small children simply understand what death means. Many children believe that a dead person is only temporarily absent. It is difficult for toddlers to understand that someone no longer exists because everything they imagine is real in their world.

What happens in the brain

When a person dies who is close to us, this interferes with the brain processes, particularly in the brain stem such as the cerebellum and in the limbic system. So our emotional and memory centers are affected, on the one hand, eating, sleeping, breathing and circulation.

Anyone who is in this condition after the death of a loved one suffers from sleep problems, forgets a lot, can hardly orientate himself, feels sick and cannot eat.

The brain is in a state of emergency and signals: threat. Those affected react with flight, aggression and / or petrification.

Escape, aggression and torpor

"Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life. ” Naguib Mahfouz

We often only notice escape when it turns into a panic attack. But we know all the escapes in everyday life and hardly notice them because they don't feel dramatic: We then drive through the area without a destination, take a short trip to Paris because the ceiling falls on our heads, or we get drunk us.

When we are on the road, it removes the feeling of being stuck. We are moving and that means: we are doing something. When we are sad, we step out of the constant brooding for a while - we distract ourselves.

Grief remains, but if we are driving, we have to concentrate on the path: braking, turning, deciding where to go.

Physiologically, this is a biological reaction out of fear: When we feel threatened, the brain signals “danger” and we try to escape the dangerous situation.

If we mourn because someone died, the partner broke up, or we simply imagine a better life, escaping is as sensible as it is risky. They don't solve the problem, but they do give us a buffer zone between our terrible feelings and their immediate processing.

However, these escapes can quickly become independent. Every alcoholic knows this who lost his footing because a person who previously supported him died, he took refuge in the Suff and is now no longer in control of his alcohol consumption.

Another response to fear is aggressiveness. This is also biologically anchored: If an animal or a person is in a situation that immediately threatens his life (or seems to threaten, the brain does not differentiate), then he or she intuitively decides between attack and flight. This decision runs in the fast part of our brain, the biologically old one.

If we were to "strain our heads" first, that is, turn on analytical thinking developed in humans, it would be too late in an emergency: If I wondered for a long time whether the shadow under the trees could be a tiger, the tiger would have killed me long ago, if it would be one.

In animals that live in social groups, the death of a pack member triggers the chain of fear reactions. This is also no coincidence, because if the animal does not die from an illness or old age, death is a threat to all other pack members: Even in the event of an avalanche or fire, escape is the best action, for an enemy, the decision is: I am, are we are strong enough to drive him away or we flee.

The fear reflexes of flight, aggression and rigidity are not rational, that is, they do not pass through the part of our brain that reflects and analyzes. They take place on the "unconscious" level, the associative action - they correspond to what we call instincts in animals.

That is why mourners behave rationally, sometimes unfairly: they react aggressively when those close to them want to help them. You blame others for death. This may be justified occasionally, but arises from an unconscious fear reflex. Aggressiveness, for example, towards a prey that caused the death of a pack member, makes sense in evolution and is even necessary.

In addition, the diffuse feeling of fear is controlled by a specific action. If there is a culprit, I have the opportunity to act. I don't have this option compared to a blind incident.

Those affected are well advised to forgive themselves for the “irrational” reactions and feelings. If they know that they control the shaking of their social structure in this way, biologically, they understand that they are not "sick".

Rigidity goes hand in hand with flight and attack. Mourners have problems coping with everyday life. They barely manage to get up, get dressed, wash, or eat. Even if they function externally, they freeze inside: No matter what they do, they only feel an inner emptiness.

This is also a biologically meaningful reaction to a threat. The emptiness gives a blueprint so that those affected do not overwhelm their feelings, they isolate themselves from the emotions. However, the emptiness alternates with extreme outbursts of feeling.

Helplessness

Literally, mourners are no longer masters of their senses. They have little control over their reactions. This is also due to the brain.

A death and other personal disasters disrupt the neocortex where our thoughts and actions are based. If this center works, we can control our impulses to a certain extent. We "freak out", at least once in a while, but then get "under control" again.

Affected people lose this influence. You want to organize your everyday life, but you can't do it, you don't want to be aggressive, but you attack bystanders. Those who mourn lose themselves in circles of thought. They are constantly thinking about what to do next, but are unable to develop a line.

The reason for the shock is not only the loss of the loved one, but above all the total change. Celebrations together, the shared work, the vacation, the house, all symbolic coordinates of one's own life disappear.

Previously, those affected made decisions within a coordinate system in which they had their permanent place and therefore knew what they decided against or against. Now all references are missing.

Those affected also circle around the past without being able to come to a result. The drama is that the one you can talk to about is no longer. In fact, it doesn't matter whether the mourners would have said, thought or done otherwise in a particular situation.

Feelings of guilt such as "if I had kept him from smoking he would not have died of cancer" or "if I had prevented him from driving the car that day he would not have had an accident" alternate with curses on that Fate: "Why does this happen to me?"

Here, too, we are dealing with psychologically meaningful constructions of the unconscious, which, however, lack references. The human brain functions less logically than a computer, but it is our creator of meaning: It constantly creates storylines that we can use in life. It does not matter whether these are correct, as evidenced by the worldwide existence of religions that have been scientifically refuted.

In the first phase of grief, it is impossible to confront those affected with a rational analysis of the situation.

Death as a transformation

Death rituals are central in all religions: the Egyptians built pyramids for their dead rulers as tombs, in Normandy the princes were buried with slain slaves, horses and possessions in burial mounds, and the Vikings sent their chiefs to the open sea in a burning dragon ship - all of them believing that death was just the transition to another world.

Some cultures like the Navajo, on the other hand, see everything that is related to death only negatively and avoid places where people are buried. Even mentioning the deceased has bad consequences in their imagination. However, there is probably no neutral way of dealing with death anywhere.

Death is not only central to all religions, it may be the main reason why people developed religions. Although our ancestors also tried to explain the phenomena of nature, they created a close connection of the "we" group with the common ritual, they arranged nature, culture and environment in a system and were thus able to orientate themselves in the world.

But even more important was the answer to the question: "What comes afterwards?" Here people differ from all (other) animals. Advanced mammals such as elephants or wolves are likely to mourn their dead, meaning that they perceive the death of a member of their group as a loss. They are irritated or react aggressively, so they are shaken in a similar way to people in the face of a relative's death.

But presumably only humans can do it: perceive death as a change from one state to another. If the carcass is decayed, no longer smells, no longer looks like the living individual, then animals no longer associate it with the deceased species.

On the other hand, people observed how the previously living person who breathed, laughed and spoke, at first no longer breathed, no longer spoke, no longer lived; then they see how the body changes color, the flesh decomposes and in the end it becomes earth.

People also ask themselves the question of the meaning. You can imagine things, even things and worlds that don't exist - that's culture. However, while our ancestors could see the process of dying and death and see how the body decays, they could only imagine what would happen if and when.

Organized religion provided answers, and the priests claimed to know what was going to happen afterwards. In this way, a caste that did not work secured its status by absorbing people's insecurity. The first religions were ancestral cults.

The idea that the ancestors have a say in this world may seem superstitious at first, but it is deeply human. People not only live in nature, but in culture. The contact with the ancestors is the connection to the tradition and thus trades the cultural experience: Only from the knowledge of the past can we shape the present.

In addition, we always think of the deceased, at least on an unconscious level. The experiences with our grandparents reappear in our dreams, and the ideas about the ghosts of the dead reflect only too well the trials, tribulations, fears and feelings of guilt with which atheistic mourners also confront.

Spirits of the dead go to avenge themselves or because they haven't paid a debt. They appear to the bereaved to tell them that they are fine. They appear like the white woman to warn the living of disaster. You return as the revenant and drag the living into the grave.

To sum up: The spirits of the dead, believing in the supernatural, correspond exactly to the fears, fantasies and memories that haunt the part of our brain that forms associations.

What helps?

"Death rearranges the world. Apparently nothing has changed, and yet everything has changed. ”Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

The religious ritual, the peace of the dead, the last anointing and all forms of burial, the burning of the corpse as well as the funeral or the sailor's grave create a collective framework for arranging the mourning. The ceremony, in which relatives, friends, but also acquaintances and supporters of celebrities take part, integrates the sufferers into the community.

Religion and neuroscience initially seem to have little to do with each other. In the polytheistic religions in particular, however, it is clearly shown that they do not draw their strength from the unconditional belief in a God, like especially Christianity and Islam, but from the common ritual.

The ceremony also supports the mourners from the perspective of neuroscience. Because understanding those concerned with themselves combined with understanding others, and consciously chosen symbols and rituals help our brain to cope with the situation.

When we understand ourselves and also get understanding from other people, the brain releases dopamine and serotonin. We feel better and free ourselves from the rigid.

If the other people assume that we are withdrawing, overreacting or trying to flee, this also increases the production of these "happiness substances".

So it is wrong if we grieve ourselves to want to "grit our teeth" and judge ourselves when we are not under control.

This works best when we have already learned to accept ourselves, with our weaknesses as well as with our strengths, our crazy thoughts and also with behavior that we do not always like. Accepting does not mean that we find everything about ourselves great, but that we accept ourselves as we are.

If we haven't learned that, as hard as it sounds, grief after a loss is a great opportunity. To hug ourselves, we can watch ourselves closely, so ask, what exactly am I thinking now, what do I feel, what do I want to do?

We can also watch the scissors in our heads and note which thoughts are scary to us. It helps tremendously to keep a diary and write everything that is within us.

The feelings, thoughts and ideas that we develop in this phase are probably the most intense of our lives. Writing down not only helps to give form to the racing thoughts and thus to come out of the idle of the circle around ourselves; they are also a great treasure for the future.

Our most intimate fears, memories, but also conflicts, values ​​and norms never come to light as clearly as in times of crisis. Even if we do not understand it in the first phases: The cuts set the course for our lives and not the times when everything runs smoothly - provided we deal with the crisis constructively.

Many people make the mistake that they consider it a "crime" towards the dead to do something good for themselves. The deceased would probably want exactly that. The dead man has nothing of it if we are bad.
We can think of beautiful moments with the dead, think of what he taught us, but also do what we like. We can go to a place we always wanted to see, listen to the music we like, or walk in the forest.

Instead, thinking that honoring the dead when we are particularly dirty increases the problems. It is important to let the feelings out, that is, to cry or even scream, but not "because it is the right thing" to blow tribulation.

How do we support mourners?

Most people find it difficult to deal with mourners. If those affected react aggressively, withdraw or, on the contrary, take action, we worry. Or we don't know how to act.

Instead of forging theories about behavior, avoiding those affected or treating them like a raw egg, we can ask the questions: What do you think now? What you wanna do?

The most difficult lesson to accompany a person in this crisis is not to do too much. Mourning takes time, and those affected most do not benefit from advice from outsiders - no matter how well-intentioned they are.

Providing people in acute crises with their own ideas on how they could improve their “crisis management” harms them and disrupts healing. Let them tell without evaluating or making suggestions. It is much better than "solution programs", which the sufferers are not able to do at all, to accompany them - literally.

Perhaps those affected want to go for a walk in the woods, go to a cafe where they often sat with the deceased, go to a place from their childhood or watch a film that they associate with the dead.
For those who are not affected, this does not look like active support because no ad hoc results can be seen, but it is precisely this active passivity, in which the mourners can say everything but do not have to do anything, which makes coping immensely easier for them.

The bereaved need friends who are just there. You don't need anyone to say "I understand that" but can't understand it. Instead, friends can honestly express their own feelings. Friends can expect the pain and sadness of those affected to return after a long time. You should also speak to the mourners about the dead long afterwards. It hurts sometimes, but it's good.

Do not try to talk the loss away with a replacement, according to the motto "You are still young, you will find a new partner." No one is interchangeable. Pay attention to family members. For example, when a child dies, the victims are not only the parents, but also the siblings. Make sure that no griever is neglected.

What effect do rituals have?

All religions know about the effects of rituals and symbols. Atheists shouldn't dismiss this as superstition. People differ from animals in that they actively use symbols to communicate and order the world. We even have to: if a person is alone in the wilderness, he will soon start to charge his environment with symbols.

The conscious use of your own symbols does not mean to show up to those affected with a crucified Jesus in hand. It is about the associations, memories and symbols that the bereaved themselves internalize.

Visiting the grave can be important, as can a funeral with real friends. But they can also be objects that are reminiscent of the deceased: paint a picture on his easel, go into nature and observe the landscape with his binoculars.

What remains of a dead person is memory. In order to enter life, it helps immensely to make these memories alive. Instead of pondering the past and keeping things of the deceased like in a museum, he stays there in a certain way when we use things. For example, you can write a letter to the dead man and throw that letter into his grave.

The individual symbols and rituals may determine why people develop religious ideas, but they cannot be explained metaphysically, but biologically. The orbitofrontal cortex stores our early learning experiences, not in the analytical sense as words, but as feelings and subjective truths that are expressed as symbols.

In addition to understanding yourself and others, symbols and rituals are enormously helpful to deal with the death of a close person. The neurosciences can explain why this is so.

Without believing in the supernatural, the dead is very close to us on this level, because the memories associated with it are part of us. Even more: by empathizing with what the deceased gave us, they remain among us.

However, we can also design special rituals that concern only the deceased and us. For example, we can ask him questions and think about what he would have answered. We feel so close to the dead man at the same time and feel that he is gone. We understand our own contradicting feelings better through such a dialogue.

Don't let anyone tell you how to mourn. It is an individual process: each person organizes the emotional experience, the understanding of what happened, the order of chaos and the external functioning differently.

Some mourn the deceased for a few weeks, others last for years and others never get over a loss.

Grief instead of depression

Depressive diseases are increasing in Germany; Most people rarely show sorrow. It does not fit the image of the "dynamic successful"; we prefer to put on an active mask and hide what it looks like inside of us.

When someone dies, open grief is very important. It helps us to understand the loss, to express it and ultimately to process it. If we suppress them, our unbearable feelings continue to proliferate in the unconscious: they appear in our dreams, they anchor themselves as a negative basic mood and as a silent suffering that we cannot even name at some point.

Lethargy, dullness and dejection take the place of tears. The process of healing is suppressed. The individual phases are a mental process that is comparable to the healing of physical wounds.

The shock caused by the loss means that the nerve connections have to be re-established first. To say to a victim, "Now pull yourself together, life goes on" is like kicking a broken leg in the butt so that it starts to run.

Mourning is neither a mental illness nor an infection. It does not need any means to get rid of it, but time to do its job. Grief makes sense: through it we realize the loss; only then can we adapt mentally and practically to the new situation.

It is wrong to maintain the illusion that the deceased would still be there: For example, parents whose children die often leave their rooms untouched. So they never get over the loss. It is better to keep the personal things that are associated with memories, but to move the house around so that there is no room for the deceased.

Displacement

Grief is not the problem, it is either to avoid it or not to process it. Some people never learned to stand on their own two feet; they remained bound to their parents in an infantile state and never actively separated from them. If a parent dies now, these people have little opportunity to process the loss because parental care is part of their structure of life.

These people often bind themselves to an ideal image of the dead after death. In a morbid narcissism, they are reflected in the part of themselves that is still in the parent because he never became independent. It is particularly difficult for them to say goodbye and organize their own lives.

The stages of grief

Grief takes place in different phases. First, the victim is in a state of shock. He feels paralyzed, he looks as if he is standing next to him - like in another world. This can take up to a week.

Relatives can take over the everyday work of those affected during this time: However, do not touch the things of the dead. Those affected should do it themselves and understand that the person is gone.

Those affected often do not let death in this phase; they claim that the deceased is still alive; they talk about the loss nicely; they pretend that nothing has changed.

The second phase is control. The sufferers are now trying to organize the burial. He "still stands next to him". Aid should now proceed more cautiously, because sufferers must not unlearn how to regulate everyday life for themselves.

The third phase is regression. Only now does processing begin. The funeral is over, as is the shock - now reality is coming. The loss is now being perceived in full severity. Many try to suppress death. You talk to the deceased, think he's still there, think you hear, see, or smell him.

Everything now appears empty, every action loses its meaning, they feel as if they are not part of the world, often they take refuge in arrogance over the "facades of the people out there". At the same time, outsiders expect "normal life" to continue. The bereaved are under pressure to reintegrate.

This phase usually leads to conflicts between the person concerned and their environment. Now he's torn in his feelings; he chooses something and discards it directly on it. He looks moody, reacts to shortness of breath and insomnia, has no strength and no hunger.

Anyone who previously helped is now facing a challenge. He is offended because those affected seem to be ungrateful. The outsiders also have a right to their feelings and no longer want to let everything go.

However, the emotional outbursts that the helpers experience often apply to the deceased himself, who, however, is missing as a contact person. Wer das weiß, kann die Betroffenen stützen, indem er ihnen zeigt, dass ihr psychisches Chaos in dieser Situation selbstverständlich ist, und dass er ein Recht hat, auf den Verstorbenen wütend zu sein.

Kontrolle der Gefühle durch Außenstehende hilft nicht, aber: In dieser Situation als Betroffener die Flucht zu ergreifen, ist ebenso verständlich, wie es den Schmerz verschlimmern kann. Statt sich der Trauer zu stellen, wechseln Betroffene vielleicht die Wohnung, kündigen Freundschaften auf, die sie mit dem Toten verbinden oder stürzen sich in sinnlose Aktivität.

Doch den Schmerz verdrängen sie so nur, und er wird in geballter Form wiederkommen, oft, wenn sie es am wenigsten erwarten.

Die vierte Phase ist der Wiedereintritt ins Leben. Jetzt versteht der Überlebende, dass das Leben ohne den Toten weitergehen muss. Die Vergangenheit wird langsam Vergangenheit, die Betroffenen können jetzt reflektieren und ihre Beziehung zum Toten in einem distanzierten Licht sehen.

Im besten Fall baut er jetzt neue Beziehungen auf und organisiert sein Leben neu.

Das Phasenmodell ist nicht statisch: Bei manchen Menschen dauern die einzelnen Phasen sehr lange, bei anderen finden die einzelnen Stufen so nicht statt, und wieder andere springen von Neuanfängen zu Verzweiflung und Vermeidung zu offenem Ausdruck ihrer Gefühle.

Nicht jede Trauer ist gleich

Jeder Mensch trauert unterschiedlich, und jeder Tod ist verschieden. Wenn ein Mensch mit 93 Jahren nach langer Demenz stirbt, sind die Verwandten drauf besser vorbereitet als wenn ein 18jähriger Suizid begeht.

Kinder trauern anders als Erwachsene, und psychisch Labile anders als Menschen, die Schicksalsschläge durcharbeiten.
Eltern, deren Kind sich umgebracht hat, plagen meist Schuldgefühle, und die wechseln sich mit Wut auf das Kind ab. Oft vergrößern Vorwürfe der Anderen die Verzweiflung. Die Betroffenen sehen sich zusätzlich als Täter_innen verunglimpft.
Die Eltern quälen sich mit der Frage, was sie falsch gemacht haben. Doch auf das Warum gibt es keine Antwort, denn das Kind, das sie beantworten könnte, ist tot.

In dieser Situation sollten Hinterbleibende therapeutische Hilfe aufsuchen. Auch Selbsthilfegruppen von Menschen mit gleichem Schicksal helfen weiter.

Kleine Kinder können ihre Gefühle nicht kontrollieren; sie trauern sprunghaft. Im einen Moment haben sie beste Laune, spielen bei Opas Beerdigung auf dem Friedhof, im nächsten brechen sie in Heulkrämpfe aus. Trauer zeigt sich bei Kindern in ihrem ganzen Spektrum: Sie schlafen schlecht, sie ziehen sich zurück und werden aggressiv. Sie wollen wissen, was passiert ist. Sie fragen, wo der Tote jetzt ist, und wie er gestorben ist.

Kinder spüren die Erschütterung durch den Tod mehr als Erwachsene, sehnen sich eine „heile Welt“ zurück, und sie idealisieren den Toten. Sie reagieren sensibel auf den Umgang der Erwachsenen mit der Trauer. Je offener eine Familie Gefühle zeigt, umso leichter ist es für das Kind, seine Traurigkeit auszudrücken.

Ein Kind ist niemals zu klein, um über das Geschehene zu reden. Die Eltern sind in der Pflicht, mit dem Kind aus eine Art und Weise darüber zu sprechen, die es verstehen kann.

Was sollten Sie vermeiden?

1) Schließen Sie nicht von sich auf den Trauernden. Es geht nicht darum, was sie aushalten können, sondern um den Betroffenen.
2) Schreiben Sie den Betroffenen nicht vor, wie lange sie trauern dürfen. Das geht nur sie etwas an.
3) Vermeiden Sie Phrasen, um die Betroffenen aufzumuntern wie „das wird schon wieder“.
4) Reden Sie nicht aus falscher Fürsorge den Tod klein, sagen Sie besser nichts und zeigen den Leidenden, dass sie nicht allein sind.
5) Unterstützen Sie die Hinterbliebenden mit kleinen Gesten. Schreiben Sie eine Postkarte aus dem Urlaub, bringen Sie ihm etwas Schönes mit, laden Sie ihn ein.

Ich-Stärke

Generell gilt: Je stärker ein Mensch sein Ich entwickelt und seine Lebenskonflikte integriert hat, desto besser kann er negative Gefühle aushalten und seine eigenen Emotionen ausdrücken. Je besser jemand Bindung und Beziehungen eingehen kann, umso besser kann er sich auch trennen: Loslösung und Bindung gehören zusammen.

Die Verzweiflung durchzustehen und zu überwinden ist auch stark von der Beziehung zum Verstorbenen abhängig. Es fällt uns keinesfalls leichter, uns von einem Menschen zu verabschieden, den wir hassten.

Haben wir mit dem Toten zusammen unsere eigene Autonomie entwickelt, dann fällt es uns leichter, nach seinem Tod auf eigenen Beinen zu stehen. Bei einer Hassliebe, einem schwelenden Konflikt, der die Verstorbene und mich verband, fällt das aber viel schwerer.

Der Psychologe Goldbrunner sagt, dass es kein einfaches Muster für Trauer gibt. Diese zeichne sich gerade durch verschiedene Impulse aus, die in der Waagschale stehen: Aushalten und Vermeiden von Schmerz, zwischen Gefühl und Verstand, Aktivität und Passivität, Ablösung und Bindungserhalt.

Der Prozess braucht Zeit, aber als Prozess muss er auch ein Ende haben. In diesem Sinn ist Trauer das Gegenteil von Depression oder Depression eine nicht verarbeitete Trauer. Es geht darum, irgendwann nicht immer wieder nur in die Verzweiflung abzutauchen, sondern anzuerkennen, dass es Geschehnisse gibt, die sich weder berechnen noch steuern lassen. (Dr. Utz Anhalt)

Author and source information

This text corresponds to the specifications of the medical literature, medical guidelines and current studies and has been checked by medical doctors.

Dr. phil. Utz Anhalt, Barbara Schindewolf-Lensch

Swell:

  • Canacakis, Jorgos: Ich sehe deine Tränen: trauern, klagen, leben können, Kreuz-Vlg, 2001
  • Kushner, Harold S.: Wenn guten Menschen Böses widerfährt, Gütersloher Verlagshaus, 2014
  • Grollman, Earl A.: Lass deiner Trauer Flügel wachsen. Wenn man von einem lieben Menschen Abschied nehmen muss, Verlag Herder, 2011
  • Schmid, Thomas: Auf dem Weg im Land der Tränen: Gebete und Texte für trauernde Eltern, Echter, 2002
  • Nijs, Michaela: Trauern hat seine Zeit. Abschiedsrituale beim frühen Tod eines Kindes, Hogrefe Verlag, 2003
  • Cardinal, Claudia: Trauerheilung. Ein Wegbegleiter, Topos plus, 2011


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